Anyway, as some of my friends can vouch, I've been pretty depressed lately. Not just depresssion depressed... existential depressed and stuff. Thanks to James Joyce, all I thought of from last Tuesday to this Thursday was about where I came from, why I'm here, and what's gonna happen to me, and the answer to all three of those questions was , to my disdain, who knows? Of course, I didn't like that and kept coming to the conclusion that I just needed to stop thinkin' bout all of that crap. Couldn't do it, though.
Then, today I had an experience that made me forget all of it, one that really changed my outlook and cheered me the hell up.
(I just put on "Peacebone" by Animal Collective to accompany this description)
Today was my last day at work. I work an awful, boring-ass job at a country club and do nothing but press buttons on a computer. Usually I leave work at 3, but today there was extra shit to do, so I had to lift like, 20 really heavy tables for an hour. It was awful.
I moped over to my car after the day was over and turned the key in the ignition. I was miffed, a little relieved, but absolutely depressed. I pulled the car out, then found a CD under my seat- Strawberry Jam by Animal Collective. "Peacebone" came on and I started to drive.
I started to pull out as the assorted noises of the intro began. Bonefish. I pressed down on the gas, the car lurched forward. I was slowly drawn into Avey's singing, a peacebone got found... mulling over his lyrics and driving. I passed the houses of Hewlett Harbor and a few cars, leaking the most interesting colors. I slowly pressed down on the gas. I felt as the car accelerated under my foots weight, all by my own doing. The verse continued on as I waited at a red light and I began chanting, until the chorus began- and half of my fingers are dipped in the sand, you progress in letters... the light turned green and I suddenly had an epiphany. I was in total control - it's not the words that you should follow- and I slammed my foot against the gas. Insides! Complete release. Insides! I flew out into the street, like a pelican and reptile, and flew towards West Broadway, second chorus- just a few things are related to the old times! 50, 60mph, a free road. (screams!) I realized I had been shouting the song out of my open window- I didn't end in a yard but I kept going and going with a broad smile on my face. I turned down a random street- the taste of your cooking made me bow on the ground- and took all the turns as fast as I could, screaming along with Panda Bear and Avey Tare and an obsession with the past is like a dead fly, when we did believe in magic and we did die. I skidded around a turn and flew into my driveway... Inside, inside. I slammed the brakes. Inside, inside, I slowed to a near halt. Peacebone, peacebone, I creeped into the parking spot. peacebone, peacebone, I closed my eyes, put the car in park, and turned it off.
Bonefish.
As I exited the car, my ears still ringing with Animal Collective, I realized that I had completely forgotten everything I had despaired about. I thought back; through the five minutes of shouting and extremely reckless driving, I had found my own meaning to life, my own outlook to follow-
Live for the moment. Life is about simple pleasures and finding what makes you happy, and staying happy by indulging in these little pleasures. Who cares if you're going to die in 10, 20, or 60 years? Why not make every moment of those years a screaming joy ride, whether it be through actually using the handbrake for the first time (there are skidmarks on the intersection of Lincoln and Arbuckle to prove it) rapping along with Snoop Dogg as you sit in your cubicle, reading a book in Scots or just doin' whatever makes you feel good about yourself and your surroundings?
So live for the moment, find those little pleasures, and no matter how your life turns out, at the end you can look back on it and think, wow, I had a damn good time.
