My Hobbies

1. Looking out the window on long car rides and see if the passing cars sync up with the music I'm listening to

2. Making lists that are zero items long ("Comprehensive list of things that are cuter than kittens," "ten funnest things to do on long island," "five reasons to move to Staten Island...")

3. Googling the lyrics to songs that people post on their facebook statuses and then making snarky comments about them while simultaneously making them think I knew the song just by looking at the lyrics

4. Avoiding eye contact with attractive women

5. Reenacting past situations but changing the parameters ("This time I'm going to mention that I'm a rapist!")

6. Steering conversations so that I put myself in a position where I can brag about myself, but then avoid doing it ("Yeah man, I'm getting a great college education." "Oh yeah, Ryan? Where do you go?" "Some school in New York, it's alright")

7. Making myself seem more timid/stupid/simple around members of the opposite sex to avoid confrontation or conversation ("maybe they'll come to me!")

8. Debating whether my actions are genuine or forced

9. Looking through fat people's facebook pictures to see if there are pictures of them before they were fat

10. Downloading advanced music composing/producing software and then producing crappy tunes but acting as if I knew exactly what I was doing