The -itis

So I just got back from UChicago. It was amazing, great time, food poisoning, etc, but that wasn't the highlight of my trip.
After my dad picked me up from the school he took me to Jesse Jackson's office in Chicago. Waiting for us was Rev.'s second hand man (Rev. Greg) and his assistant (Dexter). They took us to a soul food restaurant in Austin and we all ate fried chicken and collard greens. All good.
Then, I finished eating and laid back in my chair. Greg, a 60 year old civil rights activist, Harvard educated lawyer and very close friend of Jesse Jackson turns to me and says,
"What's the matter, doc? You got niggeritis?"

Mull that over in your head.

Watch as I outsmart the system.

I made this up.
"Today, I out of curiosity I asked my mother how we would be paying for college. She said "don't worry, we have it all invested with a very nice man... I think his name is Madoff. I am now going to community college. FML"
I'm gonna be a web celebrity.

The good life

There is nothing like a pitcher of sweet tea sitting in your fridge. It's more reassuring than a security blanket, it's more comforting than a couch, it's more delicious than any other beverage.
Things get shitty? Sweet tea.
Too much work? Sweet tea.
Thirsty? Sweet tea.
Unhappy? Sweet tea.
Tired? Sweet tea.
Hyper? Sweet tea.

Never doubt the power of four bags of lipton, a gallon of water and a cup of sugar. It's mystical.

This is lols.

ARRRGHH

I haven't chosen where I'm going to school yet but this article here puts a lot in Chicago's favor. I want to take this course so badly, it's not even funny. I hope it fits the core :)

One more thing. I beat Portal again today, and I was distraught as usual. It takes me like, 20 minutes to put the WCC into the incinerator. Seriously, I am pathetic. So miserable was I that I took one of my two Rubik's cubes, took off all the labels and did this to it.

And yes, that IS my airzooka in the background.

FMyLife

I saw a status on facebook which read as follows:
"Went to bed early, woke up early...FML"

First of all, what's so bad about waking up early? Secondly, how bad could your life possibly be if you get the chance to go to sleep so early? I wish I was as privileged. Finally, the time you wake up is nowhere near severe enough to warrant a "FML."
I liked that website a few months ago when it was novel; now all I ever see is "FML! FML!" "Just ate a bagel. FML." "School today, FML." "Won the Nobel Peace Prize. FML." Seriously? I want to start a mass mailing with this message:

Dear suburban teenager,
As you sit micromanaging your home business with your pink Blackberry in the backseat of mommy's Range Rover beside your gucci bag, carrying a second Blackberry should you decide to throw the first at your eigthieth ex-boyfriend, please take the time to consider this.
Your life is not "f***ed"
There are people worse off than you
Embarassing situations will not condemn your entire life
The stories on FMyLife.com are far more interesting than yours
And those stories are all made up.
So while you update your status for the three hundredth time today, remember that "Sitting in car" does not warrant an FML.
Unless you want to say "Got chlamydia, FML." That would be funny as hell and you deserve it for being annoying.
Sincerely,
Everyone else.

So send this message to all your friends because seriously,, unimportant things are not made funny with that stupid three letter addendum.

Bliggog

The integral bureaucracy
Come va-dx/dt
Gilgamesh je' micron pens.
Inflation e diffraction lens,
And still I mu-nought adverb, noun
Approaches at speed "spell renown."
So Euler nella selva oscura
Through field B, Siddhartha Buddha
A scholarship! Should I ap-pi?
3.14 through the Rye,
I think I got divide sketch grandma.
g(x) is f times lambda.
I thought this year'd make me think straight
But minced brain does eight APs make.